BOUT DAY!!!

Some might know that I'm on a local Roller Derby team here in Killeen, but a whole lot more probably don't.  Back in January of this year, dear husband and I went on a Starbucks date.  On their community board was a flyer for the Femme Fatale Roller Dolls, saying that they were having new girl try outs.  I found them on Facebook, showed up to a new girl night on a Wednesday in February, and have been with the team ever since. I became team secretary this summer, have been a part of both home bouts, and 2 away bouts, the most recent one being yesterday in San Angelo against the San Angelo Roller Girls.  They're an AWESOME team!!

First Home Bout Poster featuring yours truly

This is the poster for the first home bout we had.  That's me, Disciplinarian, on the left, and teammate Amanda - or Girlnade if you're on the track ;)  Amanda is an AMAZING photographer and has her own business.  She took Reagan's 3 year pictures, and they were pure perfection. 
Our posters were designed by another talented teammate, Mae Needabeer.  She has a degree in marketing which is why she knows how to sell a bout! She just so happens to be a fabulous makeup artist as well, and through her connections in that field was able to coordinate team pictures - like the ones on the bout poster.  Everyone's pictures turned out great, and we were able to put a team picture together from everyone's individual poses, a la America's Next Top Model.

Cat eyes, booty shorts, fishnets...it must be bout day!

Lots of people think that roller derby is elbowing, throwing punches, and fishnets.  This isn't so much the case...except for the fishnets part.  I never dreamed I'd have so many pairs and varieties or styles!  And socks??  When they're all clean, I can barely shut the drawer!  Stripes, argyle, skulls, sloths, plaid, rainbows and clouds...I could go on, but I think you get the picture.  I've got LOTS of fishnets and socks.  Derby is a real sport.  We condition, we practice, we take hits, we give hits, we get hurt, we heal, and we play hard.  Our team is a non-profit, so we also fund-raise and donate money to HARP of Killeen ISD.  HARP stands for Homeless Awareness and Response Program, and is a wonderful system in place to help displaced families, unaccompanied youth, and families with school-aged children in shelters.  The whole point of the program is to help these kids have some sort of stability in school when other aspects of their life might be a bit chaotic and unstable. Our team has given over $1200 to HARP so far, and we don't plan on slowing down next season!

Thrift Shop Sally + Disciplinarian = Derby Wife Love

  Hang around derby girls a while and you might hear the term "derby wife."  A derby wife is your partner in crime on the team.  Your wing [wo]man.  The one you call at 11 PM, bawling your eyes out, after you've just had the worst mash-up/bout experience of your life where you got hit by a girl so hard, you would have rather been hit by a Mack truck.  (That so happens to be a true story, and even though she was already asleep for the night, she answered the call and listened to me the whole time.)  That's what a derby wife is, and this is my derby wife, Thrift Shop Sally.  The first time we met, there was definitely some tension.  I wasn't sure if I liked her, and I'm pretty sure she probably hated me - I have that effect on people...it's so weird.  But once they get to know me, I instantly win them over with my awesome charm, personality, and sense of humor.  The first time we hung out, we almost got into a fight...kind of.  At least the people sitting at our table thought we were about to fight, which was pretty hilarious.  We found out just how similarly weird and crafty we were, and have been goof-ball buds ever since.    

Two things you cannot survive derby without: a supportive family, and duct tape.  Lots and lots of duct tape.  It's so important for your family to be on board with your new-found love for derby because of all the hours you spend away from them.  Practices, bouts, fundraisers, meet-and-greets, team meetings...and the list goes on and on.  My Dear Husband has been an AMAZING support for me, and has even helped the kids make posters to take to my bouts.  He rocks.

Duct tape, Derby, Donnie...a few of my favorite things!

Now on to the duct tape.  We put it on everything!  We tape the front of our skates to protect the leather from all those knee falls and 180 degree turns.  We tape chord to the floor to outline our track.  We tape our elbow and knee pads back together until we can get to the skate shop and get replacements.  Now that there are so many designs and styles, your duct tape can be an extension of your personality.  I've had pink and white zebra stripe tape, Avengers tape, and Pickle tape (it said, "what's your dill?"  haha.  get it?).  A teammate, Domestic Violate-Her, let me borrow the TMNT tape before yesterday's bout.  I looked down and noticed that "Donnie" was on both skates so I took advantage of an Instagram opportunity.  Donnie just happens to be Dear Husband's name - would this be the derby equivalent of a soldier naming his rifle?  If so, pay no mind to the other turtle names on my skate...Donnie is the only one that matters.

Viper Kiss, me, and Cajun Tree Shaka up against the SARG

 Here's a picture from the first jam of yesterday's bout - before the hard hits, hard falls, hurt tailbone, and sore back.  I love my team.  We had a tough season, but we learned a lot and grew so much!  I'm super excited about next season!  We've got seven home bouts scheduled, tons of ideas for events and fundraisers, and lots of new girls chomping at the bits for their chance to see an official bout from on the track.  2014 will be a great year for the FFRD!

Civilian Life in a Military Town and Other Such Issues

I'm no longer married to the military.  I haven't been since May of 2009.  I'm a civilian. 
Actually let me rephrase that.  I've ALWAYS been a civilian, but when you're a civilian married to a soldier you're in a different class.  You've got military affiliation, just not the rank and almost no pull - and although sometimes it's hard for some spouses to figure out, it's true: your soldier is Government property, not you, so he/she gets the rank...not you.  Period.  But this particular blog entry isn't about spouses wearing rank (you're welcome) it's more about where my husband and I now fit, or don't, here in Killeen, Texas, home of the world's largest military instillation.   
You see, I've known for a long time that the military was a different world than the rest.  The very first time in my life that I moved was to Schofield Barracks, Hawaii when I was 18.  I had been married for 7 months and had a 3 month old son.  I was literally living in paradise after growing up in San Antonio, Texas.  I had lived in the same house since I was born and my first move was to Hawaii...I didn't see a negative side.  People asked me all the time about "culture shock" and I just didn't get it.  The only thing that I saw that was different than Texas was that there was always a bunch of shoes outside of everyone's front doors because it's customary to take them off before you enter a house. (Oh, and that instead of signs printed in English and Spanish, they were in English and Japanese.)  That I could live with.  It wasn't exactly a deal breaker.  After living in Hawaii for almost 2 years my husband and I divorced.  And since you can't stay in military housing if you're not married - because believe me, I would have stayed in Hawaii if I could have, my (now) 2 kids and I were shipped back to San Antonio, Texas on the Army's dime.  THIS was when the "culture shock" took place. 
For the last 2 years I knew who my neighbors were.  We hung out on my porch swing, had dinner together, celebrated holidays together, babysat each others' kids without thought of payment or favors, helped each other with yard work, took walks, went out, and shopped together.  We were a family to each other because our biological families were so far away.  And this didn't happen because it's written in some Army pamphlet that spouses get - there's no such pamphlet - it happened because the Army (and I'm going to assume all other branches of the military as well) is a tightly knit community.  We all have something in common.  Our husbands go into the field for days and weeks at a time which means that we're left at home to run the house.  Our husbands deploy for months (or a year) at a time, which means we are left to be geographically single mothers for as long as they're gone.  Why wouldn't you want to reach out and support someone who is going through the same thing you've gone through or are going through yourself?  It's a way of survival - it's how military spouses are able to do what they do.  It sucks to be alone in any difficult situation, and that's why the Army community is so important.  Now, being back in Texas, that was gone instantly.  I was now on my own.  Sure I had my parents down the street, but they made it very clear that they were not my babysitters.  I didn't really know my neighbors, and we definitely didn't eat meals together.  If I needed a babysitter, it was going to cost - BIG.  Yard work?  That was all on me now.  Shopping buddies?  Now my 2 year old son and 6 month old daughter.  I was hurled back into non-military affiliated civilian life and I didn't like it one bit. 
Fast forward to now.  My husband is medically retired.  (I have to say "medically" otherwise you'd think I was married to a 40 year old and such is not the case.) We get military benefits like use of the commissary, PX, medical insurance, etc. just without a unit "home."  I don't mind this so much because it means no deployments, no FRG drama, and no hours and hours on end of "hurry up and wait", but what it also means is that my community is gone once again. 
I am still connected with a friend/military wife whom I've known since 2006.  I see her about twice a month, and she knows that I understand what she's going through with her husband being deployed...but she's about to move to Korea.  She's been a great friend, a listening ear, an awesome babysitter to Reagan (because let me tell you, only a true friend would watch your toddler for 5 days so you could go on a getaway vacation with your hubby - and not be paid for it), and one of my very last ties to the old 1-12 unit at Ft Hood.  Her absence will sadden me not only because I'll not get to see her in person for a long while, but because I feel like my tie to "the community" will be gone. 
This is where I feel like my identity is in some sort of gray area.  We're not active duty so we don't really fit in with all the folks our age that come in and out of Ft Hood every few years, and hubby's retired, but we don't really fit in with the crowd that's hanging out at the local VFW...we've got a couple decades before that.  And someone reading this might think, "well, find some other parents with kids in the same age range as yours."  Here's where another issue of mine pops up.  My kids are 11, 9, 3, and 21 months.  I'll do the math for you - this means that there's an age gap of 9+ years between my oldest and youngest.  When I find someone with kids the same age as my youngest, they're usually younger than me - which I have no problem with - but then that leaves my older ones out of the loop and usually bored to death.  When I find people with kids the same age as my older ones, they're usually older than me (which again, age isn't the issue) and usually in all-around different places in their lives/careers.  We've got almost nothing in common.  "Oh what do you do?  [Teacher?  Principal?  Army Captain? Realtor?]  Cool.  Oh, what do we do?  My husband's a waiter and I clean houses part time...*annnnd I just lost you*"   
Honestly, and I am really opening myself up here, this leaves me feeling terribly inadequate as a wife/mother/woman.  I haven't even touched on the issue of having a son who's at a slightly different side of the spectrum as most kids his age, which makes it difficult for him to make friends.  Luckily he hasn't noticed it yet...but my heart absolutely hurts enough for him already.  I've tried to reach out to other parents of kids/boys his age, but once again, I'm thinking the lack of commonality comes into play and they're just not interested.  
I just don't know what to do anymore because it's exhausting trying to fit into a group where you feel like you just don't belong.