Civilian Life in a Military Town and Other Such Issues

I'm no longer married to the military.  I haven't been since May of 2009.  I'm a civilian. 
Actually let me rephrase that.  I've ALWAYS been a civilian, but when you're a civilian married to a soldier you're in a different class.  You've got military affiliation, just not the rank and almost no pull - and although sometimes it's hard for some spouses to figure out, it's true: your soldier is Government property, not you, so he/she gets the rank...not you.  Period.  But this particular blog entry isn't about spouses wearing rank (you're welcome) it's more about where my husband and I now fit, or don't, here in Killeen, Texas, home of the world's largest military instillation.   
You see, I've known for a long time that the military was a different world than the rest.  The very first time in my life that I moved was to Schofield Barracks, Hawaii when I was 18.  I had been married for 7 months and had a 3 month old son.  I was literally living in paradise after growing up in San Antonio, Texas.  I had lived in the same house since I was born and my first move was to Hawaii...I didn't see a negative side.  People asked me all the time about "culture shock" and I just didn't get it.  The only thing that I saw that was different than Texas was that there was always a bunch of shoes outside of everyone's front doors because it's customary to take them off before you enter a house. (Oh, and that instead of signs printed in English and Spanish, they were in English and Japanese.)  That I could live with.  It wasn't exactly a deal breaker.  After living in Hawaii for almost 2 years my husband and I divorced.  And since you can't stay in military housing if you're not married - because believe me, I would have stayed in Hawaii if I could have, my (now) 2 kids and I were shipped back to San Antonio, Texas on the Army's dime.  THIS was when the "culture shock" took place. 
For the last 2 years I knew who my neighbors were.  We hung out on my porch swing, had dinner together, celebrated holidays together, babysat each others' kids without thought of payment or favors, helped each other with yard work, took walks, went out, and shopped together.  We were a family to each other because our biological families were so far away.  And this didn't happen because it's written in some Army pamphlet that spouses get - there's no such pamphlet - it happened because the Army (and I'm going to assume all other branches of the military as well) is a tightly knit community.  We all have something in common.  Our husbands go into the field for days and weeks at a time which means that we're left at home to run the house.  Our husbands deploy for months (or a year) at a time, which means we are left to be geographically single mothers for as long as they're gone.  Why wouldn't you want to reach out and support someone who is going through the same thing you've gone through or are going through yourself?  It's a way of survival - it's how military spouses are able to do what they do.  It sucks to be alone in any difficult situation, and that's why the Army community is so important.  Now, being back in Texas, that was gone instantly.  I was now on my own.  Sure I had my parents down the street, but they made it very clear that they were not my babysitters.  I didn't really know my neighbors, and we definitely didn't eat meals together.  If I needed a babysitter, it was going to cost - BIG.  Yard work?  That was all on me now.  Shopping buddies?  Now my 2 year old son and 6 month old daughter.  I was hurled back into non-military affiliated civilian life and I didn't like it one bit. 
Fast forward to now.  My husband is medically retired.  (I have to say "medically" otherwise you'd think I was married to a 40 year old and such is not the case.) We get military benefits like use of the commissary, PX, medical insurance, etc. just without a unit "home."  I don't mind this so much because it means no deployments, no FRG drama, and no hours and hours on end of "hurry up and wait", but what it also means is that my community is gone once again. 
I am still connected with a friend/military wife whom I've known since 2006.  I see her about twice a month, and she knows that I understand what she's going through with her husband being deployed...but she's about to move to Korea.  She's been a great friend, a listening ear, an awesome babysitter to Reagan (because let me tell you, only a true friend would watch your toddler for 5 days so you could go on a getaway vacation with your hubby - and not be paid for it), and one of my very last ties to the old 1-12 unit at Ft Hood.  Her absence will sadden me not only because I'll not get to see her in person for a long while, but because I feel like my tie to "the community" will be gone. 
This is where I feel like my identity is in some sort of gray area.  We're not active duty so we don't really fit in with all the folks our age that come in and out of Ft Hood every few years, and hubby's retired, but we don't really fit in with the crowd that's hanging out at the local VFW...we've got a couple decades before that.  And someone reading this might think, "well, find some other parents with kids in the same age range as yours."  Here's where another issue of mine pops up.  My kids are 11, 9, 3, and 21 months.  I'll do the math for you - this means that there's an age gap of 9+ years between my oldest and youngest.  When I find someone with kids the same age as my youngest, they're usually younger than me - which I have no problem with - but then that leaves my older ones out of the loop and usually bored to death.  When I find people with kids the same age as my older ones, they're usually older than me (which again, age isn't the issue) and usually in all-around different places in their lives/careers.  We've got almost nothing in common.  "Oh what do you do?  [Teacher?  Principal?  Army Captain? Realtor?]  Cool.  Oh, what do we do?  My husband's a waiter and I clean houses part time...*annnnd I just lost you*"   
Honestly, and I am really opening myself up here, this leaves me feeling terribly inadequate as a wife/mother/woman.  I haven't even touched on the issue of having a son who's at a slightly different side of the spectrum as most kids his age, which makes it difficult for him to make friends.  Luckily he hasn't noticed it yet...but my heart absolutely hurts enough for him already.  I've tried to reach out to other parents of kids/boys his age, but once again, I'm thinking the lack of commonality comes into play and they're just not interested.  
I just don't know what to do anymore because it's exhausting trying to fit into a group where you feel like you just don't belong. 

A Tote Tutorial of Sorts

Ok folks, please bear with me as I try my hand at writing a tutorial.  I'm not usually the type to teach others to do stuff, I'm more of a doer, so I just tend to take over and do things myself (it's going to take massive amounts of restraint to keep from doing all my kids' science projects - pray for me!). At any rate, I have been using an uber simple pattern (that I drew myself) for making tote bags and figured that I could pass it along for anyone else who wants to try it.  I usually make my bags with a lining, but for simplicity's sake today I did one without.  This changed how I attach the straps, but I still think it turned out really cute!  Here's the finished product:

First, you'll need a good, sturdy fabric.  I use canvas.  It comes in great colors, patterns, etc. and it holds up well, is washable, and can be dried and ironed.  That's my kind of fabric!  Raw edges will fray, so I took extra precautions in this tutorial to keep that from happening to a degree that it ruins the bag.  For this particular pattern you'll need a little less than a yard.  3/4yd should be more than enough. 
You'll also need about 60" of strap material (I use cotton or nylon webbing), scissors, a sewing machine, a marker or pen, straight pins (unless you don't pin when you sew...I am not a pinner, but for the sake of giving you good instructions, I used pins for this one.  You're welcome.), a hot glue gun, and felt squares.  The hot glue and felt is for the flower embellishments, so if you're not going to do them, don't worry about those particular supplies.  Also, if you want to make things easy on yourself, you can draw a pattern out on cardboard or poster board.  Otherwise you can just copy the measurements I have and draw lines on your fabric. 

 I'm not sure if you can see the writing on the left side of the pattern, but that's the side that you want to place on the fold of your fabric.  It saves you from having to sew that edge together.  I am a fan of shortcuts, so of course when I came up with my own pattern, I made an easy one! 
Place the pattern on your fabric, again, note the side that says, "place on fold."  Trace around your pattern and cut.  When you're done, your fabric should look like it's 2 pattern pieces stuck together.  Now fold it back how it was when you cut it out.  You're about to start sewing!

 Now that your fabric is back the way you cut it out, pin the bottom together, then pin the open side together (open side as opposed to the side on the fold that you won't need to sew).

 Now stitch a straight line down the side and the bottom of your bag.  Remember I said that canvas frays, so what I did was double stitch every raw edge.  First with a 5/8" stitch, then right next to it with a 1/2" stitch.  Here's a picture of what my double stitches look like:

 If you have a serger you can finish the edges with it, or use your regular sewing machine's zig-zag stitch along the edge.  These extra precautions just help protect from over fraying from wash, wear, and tear. 

 Now here's where I'm going to try not to lose you with my lack of explanatory skills: I will go ahead and apologize now.  Pick one corner (the part that looks like a little square was cut out of the bottom) and match the seams together so it looks like the above picture.  Line up the edges as best as you can - as long as the middle seams match up you should be okay - and pin in place.  Repeat for the other corner of the bag. 

 Sew both corners, remembering to use the 5/8" and 1/2" seam allowances, and finishing with a zig-zag or serged edge if you want. 

 Above is what the edges would look like if you had/used a serger.  My machine was probably one of the best investments I've made in a very long time.  Thanks again, hubby!  Now turn your bag right side out.  Does it have a bag-like shape?  If it does, awesome job!  If it doesn't, I'm not quite sure what to tell you...hopefully it wasn't because my instructions are sub-par (although I'm sure they're not top notch).  For those of you who now have a bag-like object in front of you, turn it inside out again so you can finish! 

 Turn the top of the bag over about 1/2" all the way around, pinning as you go, and pressing with a hot iron.  As I said earlier, I'm not a pinner, but when I have to make a hem with a heavy fabric I use my straight pins!

 Once you're finished with the first 1/2" pressed hem, fold over again another 1/2"+ so that the raw edges are covered all around the top of the bag.  This gives the bag a nice finished look on the inside, as well as the outside.  When you're done pressing, stitch all the way around the circumference (25 points for me for using the word "circumference" in my blog!) of the top of the bag, making sure to go slowly over the side seam so you don't break your needle or hurt your machine.  I was able to use a 1/2" seam allowance for this and I was just careful to make sure that I stitched through the entire hem all the way around. 

Now turn your finished bag form right side out, and lay on a flat surface so that the opening of the bag is facing you.  Take your 60" of webbing (strap material) and cut it in half.  Take one of your 30" halves and line up a raw edge at the stitch line and 3" away from the side of the bag. Pin in place.  Repeat with the opposite end of the half of webbing that you just pinned.  **Note** You want to be sure the strap will be flat and not twisted around once you stitch it in place, so be sure to smooth it out before pinning and sewing. 
Repeat the strap placement/pinning directions on the other side of your bag with the other 30" half of webbing.  When stitching the straps in place, go over them more than once.  I went over them about 4 times just so there's less of a chance that the straps will tear away the more they're used.  You don't need to go over the exact straight line when doing that, either.  You can make it zig and zag, it's going to be covered up anyway.  Now that the raw edges are stitched down (the straps should look like they're on upside down), flip the straps up and pin in place so that there's about 1 1/4 " of strap from the top of the bag to the fold of the strap (where it flips up).  Pin in place (or carefully hold them in place) and stitch VERY SLOWLY over the entire new area.  It's going to be really thick, so go slowly so that you don't break your needle or your machine!  I stitched a square and then a diagonal just for added durability.  Repeat for the other 3 strap ends.  Hopefully when you're finished, it looks like the picture below.

 Do you have a tote bag now??  Please say yes...otherwise, again, I'm not sure what to tell you. 
At any rate, now it's time for felt flower embellishments!!!  Don't worry, guys, these are WAY easier to make than sewing a bag.  Felt, scissors, glue gun, and marker are all you need! 
First we'll make a Mum-like flower:  Start with a strip of felt about 3 1/2" wide.  The length depends on you.  The longer your strip is, the fuller your flower will be.  The one I used was probably about 10" long.  Glue along one of the long edges of your felt and fold so that the long ends are now glued together.  You should now have a long piece of felt that's about 1 1/2" - 1 3/4" wide, has a raw edge, and a folded edge. 

 Now take your scissors and cut "fringe-like" strips, starting from the folded edge, about 1/4" apart, not cutting all the way to the raw edge.

 Now put a bit of hot glue along the raw edge and start rolling your felt.  I would suggest gluing only about 2-3 inches at a time so that it doesn't cool before you get a chance to roll it all up. 

 That's it!  Once you're at the end, just make sure that you don't use too much hot glue so it doesn't get too messy looking.  Hopefully you now have something that looks like this:

 Now on to a second type of felt flower. I don't think it could get easier than this one. Start with a circle of felt (I trace around a CD) and cut it into a spiral.  Don't worry about having perfectly even or "perfectly circular" cuts - actually, the less perfect your cuts are, the more "natural" your flower will look...you know, for being made of felt. 

Now start with the very center of your spiral.  Put a bit of hot glue on the inner edge, and start rolling.  Always be sure that you're lining up the bottom cut as you're rolling and gluing.  Again, once you get to the edge don't over glue.  You don't want to end with a mess!

 

Voila!  You should have something similar to these:

 

Now as you can see I cut green felt leaves as well.  All I did for those was cut 2 generic leaf shapes and then cut little slits out of them to give them more dimension.  I thought about sewing them onto the bag, but in this case I just hot glued the crap out of the bottom of each leaf and flower and pressed right onto the bag.  I wouldn't suggest throwing anything with felt embellishments straight into the wash, so if you're making this bag and gluing these flowers on, I'd hand wash or spot clean.  

Now hopefully that was relatively painless, and perhaps maybe even fun!  Whaddya think??

Day One, Blog One

I have been thinking a lot about starting a blog.  I used to keep one of sorts back in the days when having a Myspace page was cool - but we all know how long ago that was.  When I was attending Texas A&M University, things would just sort of happen to me...all the time!  Funny things, embarrassing things, cool things; it became quite comical so I just started to write them down. I wish I had saved some of those stories because they were really good.
At any rate, my life isn't so much funny college stories anymore as it is funny and embarrassing kid stuff.  If you're a parent you know what I'm talking about: poop, pee, first words, fevers, grades, chores, outbursts in public where you can't beat them down (kidding there...maybe) blah blah blah, and the list goes on and on.  For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, keep up with me - I'm sure there will be some awesome (and very true) scenarios that you find hard to believe...until you have minions of your own - then you'll remember back and think, "man, her kids were precious angels compared to my spawn of Satan!"
Okay, maybe that's a bit of a stretch - wishful thinking on my part, because let me tell you, right now "Maniacal" is spot on for me!  I'm very much looking forward to when my children are perfect little angels.  In my house, I like to call this "bed time."
As far as this blog goes, I'm not really sure how often I'll be writing or what the subject matter will be.  I promise it won't be all boogers and bath time stories, and I'm going to try my hardest to keep this from turning into a carnival of complaining too.  So join me and hang on, because you're in for a ride!