Trick-or-Treating Etiquette

Halloween is coming whether you celebrate it or not.  Every year we've taken our kids out, and every year I'm surprised at what I see.  One year, I took the kids down the street, only stopping at houses with their porch lights on, and my kids were turned away from one house with a "we don't celebrate Halloween."  Hmm...funny.  Your carved pumpkin, decorated and lit up porch seem to send another message.  Last year we walked with friends in their neighborhood and a group of teenagers were walking in front of us, eating their candy, and just dropping their wrappers in the street!  My friend called out, "Pick up your trash!  People LIVE here!"  I was both proud and afraid.  They did look pretty sketchy.  You'd think I would stop being surprised at some point, but it still just boggles my mind at how rude and thoughtless people can be.  But if momma didn't teach them not to throw trash on the ground...
With that preface, I'd like to go over some ground rules that I think everyone should follow this (and every) Halloween:

1. If you're NOT giving out candy, turn your porch light off. 

Do you know how long it takes little 3 and 5 year old legs to trudge up your walkway?  Their effort and the fact that they have been rehearsing their "trick or treats," "pleases" and "thank you's" for days, if not weeks, deserves some kind of reward.  Ever seen Big Daddy?  Porch light on = candy.  Porch light off = we won't bother you.  Simple as that.

2. There is no reason why a baby should have a candy bag/bucket. 

Parents, if you want candy that bad, go to Wal-Mart and buy your own bag.  Trick-or-treating is supposed to be for kids.  Are you really going to let your 6 month old eat all those mini Snickers and Butterfingers?  Let's be honest.  Am I saying you shouldn't dress your baby up as the cutest little [insert animal or character here] in the world?  No.  In fact, when Daniel was a month old, I dressed up as Cruella de Vil and he was my little Dalmatian puppy.  Was it cute?  Um, yes.  Did I trick-or-treat for him?  Um, no.  Stroll your baby along with their big brother or sister while they trick or treat, but at this point in their lives, they're just something cute for strangers to "ooh" and "aww" over.  Put that candy bag "for the baby" away.  We all know it's not for them anyway. 

3. Teenagers, same rule applies...

Unless you are trick-or-treating with little siblings AND are dressed up, AND say "trick-or-treat" (don't just hold up your ratchet pillow case or the ever-present ghetto, plastic grocery bag for candy), don't expect anything but one piece of crappy candy (the red, yellow butterscotch, or those black/orange mystery candies) and dirty looks from my house. 

4. Don't drive to the "good neighborhood"

Ever since I was a kid growing up in San Antonio, TX, there was this great myth that the people in the King William District and Alamo Heights gave out full-sized candy bars or money for Halloween.  My parents would never take us to those areas, so I never found out if there was any truth to that, but I'm gonna guess that they were just myths.  My brother and I would walk up and down the streets in our neighborhood and do just fine, always having plenty of candy at the end of the night.  Fast forward to last year's Halloween.  Our family was invited to our friend's neighborhood to trick-or-treat.  First off, in the neighborhood we lived in at the time, no one participated.  No one.  I sat out one year with a bowl FULL of candy and the only kids to come by were the neighbor's grandkids.  That was it...for the entire night.  Anyway, we got to their house early evening, and by the time we got kids loaded up in the wagon and out the door, the traffic was ridiculous!  There were cars lining the main road and driving up and down the streets, stopping to let kids out, run to a door, get candy, load up, drive a few feet and repeat.  This caused problems because they were trying to drive through streets full of families actually walking from house to house/street to street.  If you're that concerned with getting your kids that much candy, they're probably gonna end up with diabetes you're probably better off buying them their own personal bag of candy at Wal-Mart for less than you're spending to gas that SUV you're toting everyone around in.  And there's a smaller chance that you'll hit random pedestrians and small children in your selfish quest to win the non-existent candy consuming competition.  Think about it.   Also, this year we happen to live in one of those "good" neighborhoods.  Do you think I'm spending money on full-sized candy bars, or am concerned with getting the "good" candy?  Heck no!  The houses in these neighborhoods don't pay for themselves!  I can't just forego the rent for October or November because I have to live up to some candy quality standard.  You'll be getting Dum-Dums and Tootsie Rolls if I'm the one that goes candy shopping...which reminds me, I really need to go candy shopping, or I might not even be handing out brand name stuff! 

5. There's nothing "cute" about a pre/teen girl dressed up as a "sexy [anything]"

Lots of people use Halloween as an excuse to show as much skin as they can without being labeled a tramp by giving it another adjective: "sexy."  You've seen the costumes...sexy nurse, sexy cop, sexy ref, sexy Red Riding Hood, and the list literally could go on and on.  It seems like the people who market costumes are going after younger girls every year.   Just look at this Google search.   A few of them are cute, but a lot of those would get a big, "oh HELL no" from me.  Parents, think about and pay attention to what your daughters are wearing.  Don't just go along with everything because you don't want to deal with a fight.  Your job as a parent is to parent (*gasp*).  Their job as a pre/teen is to be annoyed and hate every decision that doesn't go along with what they want.  Know what that's called?  Life.  Deal with it and put your foot down.  Don't be like the mom from Mean Girls.  She was an idiot. 

Last year I saw a girl - probably about 13 or so - with the coolest costume.  Know who she was?  Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty!  She was covered head to toe in camouflage (pants, long sleeved shirt, hat), had a fake beard, and even a Tupperware cup in her back pocket!  You don't have to bare every inch of your body for people to notice you or to think your costume is awesome.  This applies to everyone, no matter how old you are.  And another thing, moms, it's also not cute for you to be dressed as a "sexy [anything]" as you take your young children trick-or-treating.  Try a cute, fun family costume if you want to dress up.  Just keep your clothes on, please.

 

I'm pretty sure I'll think of more when I post this, but these were just a few things I was thinking of offhand.  Trick-or-treating is supposed to be a fun activity for kids.  Let's keep it that way. 

         

Civilian Life in a Military Town and Other Such Issues

I'm no longer married to the military.  I haven't been since May of 2009.  I'm a civilian. 
Actually let me rephrase that.  I've ALWAYS been a civilian, but when you're a civilian married to a soldier you're in a different class.  You've got military affiliation, just not the rank and almost no pull - and although sometimes it's hard for some spouses to figure out, it's true: your soldier is Government property, not you, so he/she gets the rank...not you.  Period.  But this particular blog entry isn't about spouses wearing rank (you're welcome) it's more about where my husband and I now fit, or don't, here in Killeen, Texas, home of the world's largest military instillation.   
You see, I've known for a long time that the military was a different world than the rest.  The very first time in my life that I moved was to Schofield Barracks, Hawaii when I was 18.  I had been married for 7 months and had a 3 month old son.  I was literally living in paradise after growing up in San Antonio, Texas.  I had lived in the same house since I was born and my first move was to Hawaii...I didn't see a negative side.  People asked me all the time about "culture shock" and I just didn't get it.  The only thing that I saw that was different than Texas was that there was always a bunch of shoes outside of everyone's front doors because it's customary to take them off before you enter a house. (Oh, and that instead of signs printed in English and Spanish, they were in English and Japanese.)  That I could live with.  It wasn't exactly a deal breaker.  After living in Hawaii for almost 2 years my husband and I divorced.  And since you can't stay in military housing if you're not married - because believe me, I would have stayed in Hawaii if I could have, my (now) 2 kids and I were shipped back to San Antonio, Texas on the Army's dime.  THIS was when the "culture shock" took place. 
For the last 2 years I knew who my neighbors were.  We hung out on my porch swing, had dinner together, celebrated holidays together, babysat each others' kids without thought of payment or favors, helped each other with yard work, took walks, went out, and shopped together.  We were a family to each other because our biological families were so far away.  And this didn't happen because it's written in some Army pamphlet that spouses get - there's no such pamphlet - it happened because the Army (and I'm going to assume all other branches of the military as well) is a tightly knit community.  We all have something in common.  Our husbands go into the field for days and weeks at a time which means that we're left at home to run the house.  Our husbands deploy for months (or a year) at a time, which means we are left to be geographically single mothers for as long as they're gone.  Why wouldn't you want to reach out and support someone who is going through the same thing you've gone through or are going through yourself?  It's a way of survival - it's how military spouses are able to do what they do.  It sucks to be alone in any difficult situation, and that's why the Army community is so important.  Now, being back in Texas, that was gone instantly.  I was now on my own.  Sure I had my parents down the street, but they made it very clear that they were not my babysitters.  I didn't really know my neighbors, and we definitely didn't eat meals together.  If I needed a babysitter, it was going to cost - BIG.  Yard work?  That was all on me now.  Shopping buddies?  Now my 2 year old son and 6 month old daughter.  I was hurled back into non-military affiliated civilian life and I didn't like it one bit. 
Fast forward to now.  My husband is medically retired.  (I have to say "medically" otherwise you'd think I was married to a 40 year old and such is not the case.) We get military benefits like use of the commissary, PX, medical insurance, etc. just without a unit "home."  I don't mind this so much because it means no deployments, no FRG drama, and no hours and hours on end of "hurry up and wait", but what it also means is that my community is gone once again. 
I am still connected with a friend/military wife whom I've known since 2006.  I see her about twice a month, and she knows that I understand what she's going through with her husband being deployed...but she's about to move to Korea.  She's been a great friend, a listening ear, an awesome babysitter to Reagan (because let me tell you, only a true friend would watch your toddler for 5 days so you could go on a getaway vacation with your hubby - and not be paid for it), and one of my very last ties to the old 1-12 unit at Ft Hood.  Her absence will sadden me not only because I'll not get to see her in person for a long while, but because I feel like my tie to "the community" will be gone. 
This is where I feel like my identity is in some sort of gray area.  We're not active duty so we don't really fit in with all the folks our age that come in and out of Ft Hood every few years, and hubby's retired, but we don't really fit in with the crowd that's hanging out at the local VFW...we've got a couple decades before that.  And someone reading this might think, "well, find some other parents with kids in the same age range as yours."  Here's where another issue of mine pops up.  My kids are 11, 9, 3, and 21 months.  I'll do the math for you - this means that there's an age gap of 9+ years between my oldest and youngest.  When I find someone with kids the same age as my youngest, they're usually younger than me - which I have no problem with - but then that leaves my older ones out of the loop and usually bored to death.  When I find people with kids the same age as my older ones, they're usually older than me (which again, age isn't the issue) and usually in all-around different places in their lives/careers.  We've got almost nothing in common.  "Oh what do you do?  [Teacher?  Principal?  Army Captain? Realtor?]  Cool.  Oh, what do we do?  My husband's a waiter and I clean houses part time...*annnnd I just lost you*"   
Honestly, and I am really opening myself up here, this leaves me feeling terribly inadequate as a wife/mother/woman.  I haven't even touched on the issue of having a son who's at a slightly different side of the spectrum as most kids his age, which makes it difficult for him to make friends.  Luckily he hasn't noticed it yet...but my heart absolutely hurts enough for him already.  I've tried to reach out to other parents of kids/boys his age, but once again, I'm thinking the lack of commonality comes into play and they're just not interested.  
I just don't know what to do anymore because it's exhausting trying to fit into a group where you feel like you just don't belong. 

Day One, Blog One

I have been thinking a lot about starting a blog.  I used to keep one of sorts back in the days when having a Myspace page was cool - but we all know how long ago that was.  When I was attending Texas A&M University, things would just sort of happen to me...all the time!  Funny things, embarrassing things, cool things; it became quite comical so I just started to write them down. I wish I had saved some of those stories because they were really good.
At any rate, my life isn't so much funny college stories anymore as it is funny and embarrassing kid stuff.  If you're a parent you know what I'm talking about: poop, pee, first words, fevers, grades, chores, outbursts in public where you can't beat them down (kidding there...maybe) blah blah blah, and the list goes on and on.  For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, keep up with me - I'm sure there will be some awesome (and very true) scenarios that you find hard to believe...until you have minions of your own - then you'll remember back and think, "man, her kids were precious angels compared to my spawn of Satan!"
Okay, maybe that's a bit of a stretch - wishful thinking on my part, because let me tell you, right now "Maniacal" is spot on for me!  I'm very much looking forward to when my children are perfect little angels.  In my house, I like to call this "bed time."
As far as this blog goes, I'm not really sure how often I'll be writing or what the subject matter will be.  I promise it won't be all boogers and bath time stories, and I'm going to try my hardest to keep this from turning into a carnival of complaining too.  So join me and hang on, because you're in for a ride!